- "A Musing Pastor"
Overwhelmed by the Stench
God bless those who work in sanitation and sewage departments.
I can remember several times I had to repair the sand mound and septic system at our home. In fact, the last time I was down inside the septic tank was probably over ten years ago, yet at times, I am convinced I can still smell that smell. You know the smell I'm talking about....raw sewage. Our system has an alarm that signals when the pump is not operating properly. I always hate to hear that incessant buzzing!
Working around these stomach wrenching odors is difficult. No matter how many times one showers or washes the clothes worn into the tank, that smell lingers. It is hideous. So, I will repeat my thanksgiving toward those who work in the sanitation and sewage departments.
Everyday has enough stomach wrenching news to make one want to throw in the towel and stop trying. The smell lingering over our country and world seems to have a pervasive nature that cannot be washed away with any number of attempts to rid that smell. Yesterday's stench came out of Texas where a young boy with special needs was befriended by some kids, led to a field, doused with gasoline and set afire. My heart and mind cannot even know what to feel upon hearing this news.
I grieve. I'm angry. I feel helpless. I feel inadequate. I want to vomit. I feel like I am back in the septic tank and I'm stuck there in an ongoing struggle to escape. It's like those nightmares we endure that are so horrific that insomnia would be a welcome predator.
I'm certain that pastors are no different than lawyers, doctors, master chefs, or any other profession. We all have our triggers that spawn feelings that have the power to diminish us to a small pile of sobbing ashes. Today I am there. I awoke and stumbled out of the darkened bedroom. The dawn has arrived and quite frankly the world looks ugly to me. There is a smell that pursues my heart and soul. I'm running as fast as I can to avoid this demon, but my strength does not appear to be commensurate to the task.
I rarely find myself in this place of despair. I hold fast to my faith in God and glory in the grace of Jesus Christ. I am confident of the assurances of faith found in scripture. I live and breathe by the power of the Holy Spirit. My relationship with this Triune God is what keeps me afloat in the stinking septic tank.
For my own sanity and spiritual renewal, I will be taking a vacation from social medias. I will be curtailing this blog for a time and will focus on my spiritual self-care. Please pray for me and I will for you. I will consider this my time of clothes washing, innumerable showers, and a season of rehab for my injured soul. Thanks for your understanding and continue to partner with me in transforming this dark world. Shalom.